This is Why I am Not a Teacher

Ok, so my last post mentioned I might know a thing or three. This class I'm currently in has certainly helped boost that part of my ego just a bit. But there's just something wrong with the fact that I am the ONLY PERSON in the class to understand a fundamental concept.

Usually, I'm the last one to get it. I stumble over the basic building blocks like there's no tomorrow. I was horrible at proofs in Geometry in high school. At some point, you have to use your intuition or some other magic to get the first part of the answer before you can get the second part. For example, if 2+2 were fundamental to my knowing the answer to x + y = z, (say, x = 2+2, and that's needed to be able to compute the equation), it would take me hours (days, weeks, forever) to get the answer because I would stumble over finding x and never see the rest of the equation.

SOoooo.... for part of this class, we have to use a chart of numbers to find the area under a curve (where was this chart when I was computing limits to find the area under a curve in Calculus a few years ago???). The book does a HORRIBLE job of explaining how to use the chart.

But, since I like to look for relationships in problems like this, I figured it out pretty quickly. I made a hypothesis, found some practice problems, and figured out my hypothesis was correct. In fact, I got the right answer for our homework problem. And I was the only one. So I explained how I read the chart.

First person says, Ok, I see your logic, but how did you know to read the chart that way? So, I pointed out excerpts in the book that led me to my hypothesis, and then pointed out the examples I used to test it. She got it then.

But one person still didn't get it. So I explained again. And he still didn't get it. So I explained again, and the instructor chimed in with an explanation of his own. The other student still didn't get it. So I explained again, and called him on the phone, leaving a message for him to call me so I could step him through the process.

How many different ways can you explain that x + y = z? There's z - y = x. And z - x = y. And .. hmm. That's about it. I'm back to x + y = z. I give up. This is why I don't teach.

An Epiphany

I had a revelation today.

I may actually know something.

It's really a very strange feeling. Usually, I am not confident about any of the random data stored in my head. Well, let me qualify that. I can be absolutely sure that the sky is blue, but the moment you challenge me on it, "Are you sure?", I'm suddenly very much not sure.

I can't stand being challenged. I'm terrified of it. So, usually, I'm not very confident about what I know, despite the reassurances I get from my darling husband sixteen times a day.

So today, I logged into my class newsgroup to see if anyone had posted anything new. This being a statistics class, and five out of five people are overwhelmed with the amount of vocabulary being thrown at us, there wasn't a whole lot of discussion between 10:00 last night and 9:00 this morning. However, one person did respond that he could not answer the discussion question that was due last night until someone clarified the question for him as he had asked on Sunday evening. Seeing nobody had responded to him yet, two days after he'd posted the initial clarification request, I took it upon myself to try and respond.

Really, all he needed to do was read the unit in the book that the instructor had assigned for the week. "The Coefficient of Variation divides the Standard Deviation by the mean." That was the sentence he wanted clarified. Really, it was just a vocabulary lesson. So, I summarized the first 55 pages of our 142 page unit into two pages of a post, defining the main vocabulary words in the statement under question and giving examples. I was really quite proud of myself. And explaining it to someone else certainly helped me to understand the concepts better.

I've always been a numbers person, so plugging numbers into an equation and doing the math isn't a problem for me. In fact, I thrive on it. However, all this vocabulary that names the equations is a bit overwhelming. I'll never remember that the Coefficient of Variation is (the square root of [the sum of {the square of (the mean of a group of numbers subtracted from each of those group of numbers)} divided by the number of numbers in the group]) divided by the mean. Well, maybe now I will because I've written it sixteen times today, but I won't remember what Chebychev's Theorem really is. (What IS Chebychev's Theorem, anyway?)

Anywho, so that was the start of my day. After that, I fixed some problems with code that had moved around too much and needed to be rewritten, and then I had a status meeting with my boss about a project we're working on to meet SAS-70 requirements. I asked a question, and I was told it couldn't be done because it was a security risk, and that the current process was better, but needed to be more secure. I didn't see the difference between the way I said it should be done (which eliminated several steps in the process) and the current process, as far as security goes. But the end result was, I was told my way was insecure.

Two hours later, my network administrator, who is working on this project with me, comes over to ask me how to write a program that does exactly what I had described to my boss earlier. When I told him that I was told my way was insecure, he told me that there was no difference between the security of the two processes, and that my way should be better because it actually eliminated a step that was insecure.

*score 1 for the ego boost*

Add to the fact that in casually looking at jobs online last night, I found I actually earn about half of what I should be making...

I think it's time to update my resume.

I might actually know a thing or three. Yay me!